It can be hard making new friends as we age. Loneliness is not a small hurdle; it’s a health crisis

Cindy Billingham had lived out her working years in Yukon before moving to Newfoundland with her husband Ron for their retirement — only for Ron to die. Now she’s on her own, in a small community where she doesn’t know many people yet, and it’s the dead of winter.

Billingham told her story to CBC Radio’s Now or Never (the podcast of the program’s latest episode is embedded below) and it’s worth the listen. The theme of the episode is about “getting bushed,” or weighed down by winter, although Billingham’s story, which is underscored by grief, is about more than the heaviest weeks of winter.

Loneliness is not a temporary problem that is overcome by, say, joining a new club or going to the gym. Nor is loneliness a minor inconvenience; it’s actually a pressing global health issue, and an often overlooked social determinant of health.

A couple of years ago, I worked with reporter Jessica Singer and video producer Mark Cumby on a deeper dive into loneliness and seniors. (Jess by the way is currently working with Now or Never.)

Jess’s longform piece, which stands up as a great read is highly recommended, includes a definition of loneliness that speaks to the high public health stakes for people as they get older:

In November, the World Health Organization designated loneliness as a global public health concern. It described it as a painful and subjective experience that results from a discrepancy between the relationships someone wants and needs, and the relationships someone actually has.

Those lines also served as what we in journalism call the “nut graph” of the feature … that is, the “zoom out,” contextual moment in the story where the writer effectively tells the reader why we’re really doing it.

By that point in the feature, Jess had introduced us to a man named Ron Simms, who had a habit of going often to supermarkets, but not necessarily to shop.

Instead, Ron (that’s him below) was looking for human contact.

“You have no ambition to do anything. You can feel sorry for yourself. Time drags,” Ron said during his interview. “You wonder how you’re going to get through the day.”

You can meet Ron and other people Jess interviewed in that feature.

You can also see a video that Mark and Jess made here:

Cindy Billingham — the woman who left Yukon for Newfoundland — is up against more than just feeling alone in the depths of winter. I hope she finds community, friendship and the happiness of a well-lived retirement.

Newfoundlanders love thinking of themselves as friendly, and I do think we are, but I’ve often heard people who’ve moved here say it can take a while to fit in. I also know people who’ve moved from one community to another, and the obstacles of feeling like they belong.

Belonging is a part of good public health. Healthy communities need to recognize that fostering those connections cannot be passive but an active part of planning, civic life, public health policy and so on.

Loneliness, men and aging are issues that have been on my radar for some years … and it’s become increasingly personal, too. I have recognized that my friends circle has been diminishing, not growing, over the years. A few of my retirement goals involve not only maintaining contacts but adding to them; not just keeping up activities, but finding new ones.

I’ll also be thinking more about what my community can be doing to make sure that everyone feels that they belong.